[note: change the title]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Beiber is playing to a packed house, sweating as he pounds out his aging soul for the adoring fans. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wraps his set, says hi to Het, and goes back stage to his private room. Grabs a red bull, and is strangled by a shadowy figure hiding behind the curtain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
[note: it’s not fair to kill Beiber just because Nila didn’t like him. I don’t know his music… Remove the name drop. Maybe Bustin Jeebers or something. Clever.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We pull out on a TV, Entertainment Tonight saying how the rock star Jeebers Creepers was found dead in his hotel room. We are in a kitchen, hearing a couple pleasantly arguing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
ROSE: Well you better pick up some eggs if you want French toast, captain Jack. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: Okay but you’re not listening. This book is my focus. You want the finer things, you want to be married to a somebody, babe. Working the crime beat as my full time main gig is too much exposition, I want to Write!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The camera pans and we see newspaper clippings of murder and mayhem lining the walls. The room smells of lavender and sage [Wait for the technology to catch up, it’ll work.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OPENING CREDITS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seth Rogan<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lindsey Lohan<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Keifer Sutherland<\/p>\n\n\n\n
THE BACONATOR 2: The Titleist<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thelma is hovering over frying eggs and ham. She turns to greet a man who has entered left, says <\/p>\n\n\n\n
THELMA: You can have a seat anywhere, hon. [she smiles like a Peach]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The man nods and takes off his wool hat, which is a poor fashion choice, it’s green but he’s wearing Carhart working pants and boots, even though it’s barely Autumn. Thelma frowns. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
ROSE: I’m not in this scene, honey! I’m not your playboy bunny, you want your hair died you should lay off the drugs and write your screenplay —<\/s><\/p>\n\n\n\n
The man takes a seat at a booth by the window, where he can see the cars parked in the lot and a clear view of the door. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A black Mustang rolls into the lot. Inside we hear Credence playing, and TELLY turns off the radio. He looks nervous. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY walks up to the WAFFLE HOUSE and opens the door. He looks around the room, sees a man not wearing a hat sitting alone with a coffee at a booth. He approaches the man cautiously. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
[note: COPYRIGHT 2023, Jason W. Boyd. If you share this or any portion therein for your own food, folks, or fun (TM) or in any other way capitalize on this private creative work, you owe JWB in perpetuity due credit, royalties, and good will.
honorary mentions: Nila. John. Justin. Pink. Casey. Cole. Karen. etc.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He sits down at the booth. The man, who he knows only as Hutch, looks stoic. He is dressed in the manner of a long haul trucker, except he is missing his trucker hat because… Hmmm..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: Are you Hutch?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
HUTCH: [in a long Southern drawl from the Northeast region, perhaps Savannah] Have a seat, cowboy. I haven’t ordered yet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY sits down. He is staring at HUTCH and visibly nervous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
THELMA: Three pigs and a henhouse!! I’m on 5. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The waitress approaches and hands the two men menus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
THELMA: Morning, guys, ya’ll know what you’re gettin’?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: Just a coffee for me? Um.. my friend…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
HUTCH: I’ll get some grits and bacon, hon. Been on the road, if you know what’s shakin’ <\/p>\n\n\n\n
[note: Have TELLY jacked up on amphetamines for this scene. The producer’s daughter said this is non-negotiable.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
THELMA: You want those covered, smothered, othered, or buttered?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY snickers<\/p>\n\n\n\n
HUTCH: Lots of butter, a little jelly. He smiles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
THELMA: What about you, sugar, you sure I can’t get you nothin’?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: Um, well I guess I will get a slice of that apple pie with my coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
THELMA: Bless your heart. I’ll be right back with your coffee. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The jukebox plays Willie Nelson’s song about horses and whiskey. The door opens and another couple enters to sit in the back. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
HUTCH: So how’s this gonna work? I got my rig up on the frontage road, be heading to Philly tonight. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: [looking like a deer in the headlights] Uh.. Well..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
HUTCH: If you want we can look at it before you sign for it, I understand it might not be what you’re needing, but — Oh, thank you, hon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: That was quick! Thank you, it looks delicious. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
THELMA: Can I get you fellas anything else? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
HUTCH: Some hot sauce when you get a chance. This looks good for now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: No, I’m all good. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Out the window we can see a blue pickup truck, clean and new looking, pulling into the lot. A couple of men get out, joking loudly to each other, wearing boots, jackets, and hats. Nice, appropriate hats. TELLY and HUTCH continue to look at each other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY: So, yeah, I’d like to see it before I buy. I… Don’t want to repeat mistakes…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
HUTCH: Well, like I said, I understand. But I think you’ll appreciate it’s value. Don’t make any difference to me, there’s always a buyer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
TELLY looks at his coffee. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
[Cinematography. Music. Casting. Catering.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Karen’s Scissors, a sign above the shop reads cryptically. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We pan down into the front door of the salon on the corner, where 3 women are doing hair for 3 customers. It’s all feminine and womanly in perspective, and the women are gossiping about their guys in code language while making jokes to and about the people in the room. They talk about shopping and nails and hair dye and it’s really empowering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
ROSE: Oh no you DIDN’T! What. The. Fuck. Ever heard of APPROPRIATION, you jackass?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
MAKISHA: ROFL. Oh my God I’m dying. What did he say when you said that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
IZZY: Maccie you okay? You be trippin’ or having a seizure? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The middle aged bald man in the middle chair looks silently at his reflection, not knowing what to say and unaware that his haircutter is on the floor. Dying. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
ROSE: What do you think?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
EMILY: I love the feathering, it feels like … maybe… lean…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The door to the shop opens, and Officer McKlinty steps in, in uniform. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
[voiceover]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a world, where one man had a dream…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[fields of rye on a mountain slope, colored treetops in the distance]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everybody don’t move, this is a strawberry!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[a group of furries bust in the front door of a bank, a skunk, a pink rabbit, and a man in a leather trenchcoat wearing a gas mask]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Where nothing is real…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[we see a record needle skip on vinyl and hear the sound of white noise, that resolves into a fountain flowing]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[Cappuchino pours steaming hot into a glass ceramic white mug]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[People in a cafe, having coffee and on their laptops]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Comes the next great American novelty…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
New Mexico, on the highway, 3am, under starry sky. A car is pulled over on the shoulder with steam rising from the hood, a man and woman in their 30s are standing next to the car. She is drinking a bottle of beer and the man is looking at his phone. He also wears a hat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
KRYSTALL: This is exactly the type of situation you would get us into babe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rick says nothing, scrolls his phone. He is hard to read. [note, in the actual production, make it hard to read, like a metaphor.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
KRYSTALL: Why cain’t I quit you? [She snorts and spills her beer.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
RICK: chuckling. Yeah, well. I always thought the dude was a little… light in the loafers. Hehehe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
KRYSTALL hawks a lugie and walks along the road, takes another swig of beer. Well, she says, but in proper screenplay formatting, we might be walking unless you know some way to get your boys to stop drinkin and playin pool all night. Friggin — [*cough*]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
[note: change the title] Beiber is playing to a packed house, sweating as he pounds out his aging soul for the adoring fans. He wraps his set, says hi to Het, and goes back stage to his private room. Grabs a red bull, and is strangled by a shadowy figure hiding behind the curtain. [note: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=104"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":105,"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104\/revisions\/105"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=104"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=104"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jasboy11.dreamhosters.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=104"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}