A plate of bacon frying, sizzling. We hear the opening motif of the New World Symphony slowly swelling, and pan out to see a fully grown man, butt naked, wearing a pink fuzzy pair of bunny ears, with a carrot stick in his mouth as he hovers over the stove. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A voice that sounds a lot like, if not exactly like Seth Rogan:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SETH: [can we get Seth? if not, this does not work as well] Heheheheheheheh. I like this guy, he’s a mad man haw haw *cough*. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We see Seth Rogan sitting in a comfy chair, exhaling a cloud of green haze. Some Canadian friend or other is looking into a Nikon 3000-TRX Deluxe birdwatching device of some sorts, out of the posh hotel window. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CANADIAN FRIEND: Jeeeezus… Maybe, but not like the comic book. This guy is a psycho, I’m telling you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
SETH: What’s he doing now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
CANADIAN FRIEND: I don’t even know man. He just gave the finger to his refrigerator and looks like he’s making breakfast naked again. I can’t believe the paper hired this wackadoo. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back on Duncan, dancing a little jig in his kitchen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road hahahaha! Crrrrraaaazzyyyyy!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The phone rings a generic Verizon ringtone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: [poker faced] Yeah, boss. What’s up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: Well yeah, the blackout is a big story, but I’m working on a piece about Morena Baccarin and Lori Singer. I’m not a serious journalist, why you telling me this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: [sober] What do you mean? Like rioting? I haven’t seen anything on the– … Christ, that’s.. that’s a story, for sure. Who do we have on the scene?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: Uh.. well I could get out there in… [looks at his wrist] about an hour, maybe sooner, but– yeah, okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He hangs up the phone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: Well, shit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He picks up his phone and starts typing, turns off the burner with half-done bacon in the pan, and walks out of view. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Close up on a phone screen, showing the website formerly known as Twitter, a tweet from the Department of Defense: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
People are urged to stay in their homes. The situation remains fluid. If you are able to read this, conserve your phone batteries and unplug all electronics and TVs, even if they are off, they consume power. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Charlie lowers her phone. She is driving her shitbox old Mazda. She turns at a light and into the parking lot of Silver Tapper’s Roadhouse. She throws the phone into her black leather Hello Kitty handbag, and walks — struts — into the bar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are a few patrons patronizing the place, and the live band is just setting up. She looks around and spots a lonely guy slumped at the bar. She heads over. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: [Hey, Jack] Hey there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
JACK: [nervous] Hey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: Can you get me a PBR? I’m gonna hit the head. [She removes her jacket and puts it on the stool next to Jack, then heads for the restrooms]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
BARTENDER: So what’ll it be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
JACK: Uh, I’ll get a Sam Adams seasonal and a Pabst. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The door opens and Rick and Krystall enter, look around. Krystall walks over to the open pool tables while Rick approaches the bar and orders a couple of beers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The band launches into Cream. The TVs show the Chiefs playing the Patriots. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jack hands Kristall a bottle of beer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
JACK: I’ll rack. [He tips his straw cowboy hat]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
KRISTALL: Why do you wear that silly thing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
JACK: The chicks dig– what the …<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The TV flickers off and on, and the music stops, then starts again but the band is tripped up. The small crowd eating wings and drinking pints looks around at each other, but the TV is back on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
BILLY: Whoa, looks like God doesn’t like that one, folks! It’s okay, we know some deeper cuts. [He rips into his Gibson with a heavy blues riff, and the band jumps in]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
KRISTALL: That was weird. You think it had anything to do with that freak meteor shower last night? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
RICK: [smugly] Sure babe. You know, I never meant to be your midnight lover… <\/p>\n\n\n\n
KRISTALL: Yer funny. I’m gonna whup your ass, funny boy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: [to Jack, as they head to the other pool table] Let’s play a bit, then maybe we can head back to your place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
[We hear the crack of Kristall breaking]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
JACK: I’m not very good, if I’m being honest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: [laughs] Oh, I know, I know! [laughs]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Charlie pulls her phone out of her handbag, looks at a text:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His name is Duncan, works as a writer at the paper. He lied about his age but he’s not gonna give you trouble. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: I’ll rack, you try and keep up [laughs]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
RICK: Excuse me. [Charlie excuses him and moves aside] 15 ball, side pocket. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
KRISTALL: Keep your balls on the table this time [laughs]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The band finishes and applause and hoots erupt. They then launch into a slower groove. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
JACK: It’s your shot. I scratched. [He looks around the room]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: Okay. I’m solid, right? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
JACK: It’s open, I sunk a stripe but scratched. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: …<\/p>\n\n\n\n
RICK: I don’t feel like that was a meteor shower though. It wasn’t like anything I’ve seen before. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As Kristall leans in to take another shot, suddenly a fist fight breaks out among the patrons watching the band. The bouncer rushes over, but before he can do anything to intervene, the TVs all flash BREAKING NEWS ALERT! and then go dark, and the audio system turns off as well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The two guys fighting don’t take any notice, but everyone else looks around bewildered. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Suddenly gunshots are heard, pop pop, outside, and the screeching of car tires on pavement. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: You wanna get out of here, hon? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: [looking terrified] Um.. yeah.. I don’t like this scene. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We see Charlie and Duncan head out to her Mazda. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
DUNCAN: I’ll take my Acura, you can follow me, okay? It’s about 10 minutes from here, in the Heights. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
CHARLIE: [looking around] Uh… okay.. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He drives out and she follows him. Rick and Kristall exit the bar and run\/walk to their car. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
RICK: I don’t see anything. But something is going down, we best find out what. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They pull out onto Kendrick Street. Before they even hit the first light, a tow truck plows into them from the side, spinning the car around and destroying its front end. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t like this scene either. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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